So let’s talk about Family Secrets, those experiences and situations that families go through and then try to pretend they aren’t a thing. Sometimes it’s a verbalized warning, like in the movie “we don’t talk about Bruno!” but other times it’s a silent understood pact that you don’t talk about what happens in the home with outsiders. Perhaps the secret is that dad has a drinking problem, or that one of the parent’s had an affair. Maybe it’s that mom has depression and doesn’t get out of bed for weeks. Maybe it’s that the family has financial trouble and there are no groceries in the home. One of the ironic things about Bruno’s “visions” is that quite a few of them were just observations, secrets aren’t always big, bad and scary. In my time as a therapist, I’ve been privy to so many family secrets, some “bigger” than others.

In therapy, we discuss how the family is a system. Each individual has a role and a part in the dance that the family plays. Luisa is the strong one, Isabel is the perfect model, Julieta is the healer. Role’s are reinforced by the family stories and narratives. Anytime that one member of a system tries to change, the rest of the family is forced to adapt, but usually there's quite a bit of resistance. Change is hard. Unfortunately, it’s rare for the whole family to be ready for change at the same time.
Notice how even in Encanto… Mirabel is ready to talk about the family secrets and to start digging through forbidden rooms, asking the forbidden questions. The other family members are not quite so ready! She’s warned a few times to just not say anything and keep the status quo. However, whether they liked it or not, Mirabel’s seeking change for herself unbalanced the family system, which created tension and then forced the others to adapt. Granted, things might not be so magical and change doesn’t come so quickly in the real world.

Yeah, about that Bruno, or family secret...

In summary, I invite you to take a look at your family of origin: